Banks for You!

You recently had a letter from an adult whose financially irresponsible parents expected yet another bailout (“Parents expect another bailout from son“). As a therapist, I wanted to comment.

“No” is an emotionally laden word, and so few people are comfortable using it, especially when it comes to our own parents. If the 30-year-old were a client of mine, I would help him bear the pain and grief of loss. This is what any son who loves his parents and feels responsible for them must be feeling as he witnesses his parent’s financial troubles. Yet his hands are tied. The parents have a history of bad money behaviors, and the son can’t fix the problem that was probably present before his birth. “No” is the proper boundary.

If the son gives his parents a session with a financial planner, he must strengthen himself against further disappointment. If not, he will find himself in financial quicksand along with his parents.

Answer: Thanks for your response. While many would feel a moral obligation to help struggling parents, setting limits is essential. There’s also a legal component to this: See “Do you have to support your parents?“

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